I had a post I was writing and as I was wrapping it up and rereading it, I felt it crossed the line from slightly distasteful to unpublishable.
Here's my question:
Why?
What makes me ashamed to put something on here?
Is there really a line? I know I felt I crossed it.
Here's the thing. I don't want to get into a theological debate about cussing or decency or whatever. I simply want to know is should there ever be a point where we are embarrased by something we do or say in front of our friends? Because if they judge us, are they really our friends? If we judge them, are we really loving them?
There are maybe two people I feel I could say anything, and I mean anything around. What does that say about my relationships? Are we being honest with each other? Are my friends and I perhaps venturing into bad territory when we will say things around each other that might include words with four letters or ideas that might be shunned by our social groups?
Are we dishonest enough in our relationships where we can't say how we truly feel? Are there too many walls around our friendships? Can we really even call some of our friendships friendships?
Hmm.
peace out,
hersch
10 comments:
Well, Herschel, when you take into account the Socratic notion of the pseudo-biblical/theological doctrine of moralistic epi... yeah, just kidding.
I think I get what you are saying. I think it is often my own insecurity that makes me not be completely honest with people about what I am thinking. I am insecure because my relationships aren't as deep as they should be, and they aren't as deep as they should be because my insecurities keep me from going there.
I think there is a point when we should be embarassed about someting we say or do... not for fear that they will judge us, but because our words or actions aren't right. I SHOULD be embarassed if I go around making racist comments, whether I am around friends or not. But when it comes to asking honest questions or sharing real struggles, it will be my insecurity I think that keeps me quiet.
I struggle a lot with the level of transparency in my relationships...I want to go deeper and I'm always preaching transparency to everyone, but there's a certain point where I just stop dead in my tracks with most people. And I don't like that about myself.
Honestly, I think we have to look at Jesus' example...there were things He said to the multitudes, then things He spoke only to His disciples, and then a few things He shared only with those with whom He had the most intimate relationship.
You know me...you've more than likely heard some four-letter words spewing from my mouth on more than one occasion and I KNOW I have some radical thoughts that would make me pretty unpopular with "churchy" people (things that I've not felt too safe in sharing with very many people), so I don't think you have to be embarrassed by anything you would say in front of me, but...
This IS public domain, even though I think "our" little area of it is mostly-inhabited by people who know and love you. It's a fine line we all walk when we choose to share our hearts in this place.
Sometimes it's just wise to listen to your heart...sometimes that hesitation we feel is the Spirit's prompting us to sit down and be quiet for our own protection. And sometimes it's just our fear speaking. We have to learn to discern which is which. And then take that leap into transparency at the right time.
I think that was just a ramble that led nowhere, but...maybe you can unjumble it enough to understand what I was trying to say!
"I think there is a point when we should be embarassed about someting we say or do... not for fear that they will judge us, but because our words or actions aren't right. I SHOULD be embarassed if I go around making racist comments, whether I am around friends or not."
not really what i was talking about but good point none the less....
and dena, to comment to you, i would agree to look at Jesus. There were definitly things he chose to share with only a few people...sometimes only peter james and john, and so that is comforting to know....
good scriptural example...thats what I was needing....
perhaps we dont have to share everything inside ourselves to everyone(duh)
seriously though, i feel bad when i dont want to disclose certain parts of who i am to people...i dont know where that comes from...
It's the fear of being judged, isn't it?
This is a great post and raises some excellent questions, unfortunately I am unable to articulate a response worth of this conversation. :)
Kudos to Dena & Geoff for doing so :) Both good points as well.
And I dont know if any of you are interested (I know Hersch isn't) but the Cards just won again.
I have something to say about this.....but no time right now! I'll get back to ya later....
I would just counsel you to continually question your motivation for not wanting to disclose parts of your life/heart to others, Hersch...if you're trying to avoid accountability to the body (and I'm defining "body" as those CLOSE to you with whom you feel safe in being truly transparent), I would consider that wrong motivation.
But I don't think that's what you're talking about, is it? I think this is one of those places where we all have to learn to be wise and selectively transparent...and that's a tough thing.
dena, i think for me, it is more of a comfort level thing....there are a couple o fpeople i feel comfotable sharing my entire self with...and there are people whom i am only comfortable sharing parts of my life with...
i guess through what you said abotu Jesus and the disciples, I am seeing that that is ok to a point...
but we must always be willing to open up when the Holy Spirit leads us too....never know what will happen
This topic is one that I have been thinking about as well. How real are our relationships? Shouldn't I be able to share anything about myself with people who love me, without them looking down on me? Or feeling like they will judge me?
In our Sunday School "homework" for the week, one of the scriptures is 1 Samuel 16:7. 'But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."'
In this context, the word "appearance" is used in reference to someone's outward/physical appearance. But, when I read it, I saw a different side to it. What if, by appearance, the passage meant the way people view you as a person....the things you do. For instance, if someone saw me in a bar would they automatically think I had a drinking problem? If I were to reveal a sin in my life, would other people think I am evil or that I don't really love God because of what I've done? God knows my heart and knows the TRUTH about me. But, people don't. We are judgmental. Maybe we could TRY to look at people's hearts a little more?
I don't know you as well as some people in your life, or as well as I would like. =) But, I think I know you well enough to see that you truly love Jesus and want to live your life for Him. So, because I know that, I should realize that just because you might say something I don't agree with, your heart is still in the right place.
Yup, I'm rambling.....sorry! Just some thoughts I've been having that might POSSIBLY relate to what your thinking. ????
And, Dena's scriptural reference to how Jesus revealed certain things to different groups of people.....good example. We don't have to share EVERYTHING with EVERYBODY. Maybe in Heaven we will be able to do that without any feelings of shame or fear? I think so. ;)
yeah amy, i think your onto what i am thinking...
I guess i should say though that I think i made this post more personal than i intended to. I meant it to be more of a general question of relationships in our lives but i think i had some sort of freudian expose of a little bit of my soul. Yikes.
I think what i wanted this post about was the question:
"Why arent we honest in all f our relationships?"
But God took it another wat. Hmmm. he who has ears let him hear...
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